Using Sex to Get Love

My husband brought up an interesting point last night.  We had attended a class together and the teacher brought up a statistic, saying that in a relationship, men’s #1 need is sex and that it didn’t even register on the top 5 for women!  This morning, my husband asked “If it doesn’t register on the Top 5, why do so many women come into a marriage having “known” so many sexual partners?”

My response was, “Women use sex to get love and men use love to get sex.” His next question was, “But then it’s a lie… they’re using something that isn’t that important to them in order to get a guy. Then when they get married, they’re not as interested after the first few weeks.” BINGO!

It’s the same scenario as I’ve written about in the past:  With my first husband, I pretended to love the same sports he did (he was my boyfriend at the time). But after a few years of marriage, I would just find a good book to read while he watched his beloved Cowboys. He was actually hurt when he yelled, “DID YOU SEE THAT?” and I looked up from my book and said, “What?” He was furious with me!  And I was furious with him!  How dare he get mad that I was reading a book!  But…  was it really his fault that I had pretended to like the things he liked?  I had never looked at the sex-part as the same scenario. God DID mean for sex to be for marriage and marriages need work in every area, even sex.  After the first 6 months of any relationship, married or unmarried, the endorphins go away and what’s left matters!

Just from my own experience, since my second (and forever) husband did court me, it was definitely a unique experience NOT to use sex necessarily to get a ring on my finger. All of the dating rules changed!  There was no bait & switch.  Neither one of us were annoyed that we’d been tricked!

Example:  He always opened the door for me when we went on a date and he still does, even if we’re just running to the hardware store.  It totally laid down a great foundation for our marriage.

So bottom line?  Be yourself.  Live by the principals you will want to come first in your marriage.

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